If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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