Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
