do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
