i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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