i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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