If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
