oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Alive.
So much puke
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
