All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
