Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
