thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
