I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
