Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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