Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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