you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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