Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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