PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
