erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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