my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
