Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
