the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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