I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
