I think scott just propositioned me for sex
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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