he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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