Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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