Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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