Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
