I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
