Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
