Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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