why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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