Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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