WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
