I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
