I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
