literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize