Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
