Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
