Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
