I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
