Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
