dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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