I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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