I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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