If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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