I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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