And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
