I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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