its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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