doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
