I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
