I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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