id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
jump out the window naked night went bad
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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