I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
