Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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