I wish they made helmets for livers.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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