did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
