i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's blow job season.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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