I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
