last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
