i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
