Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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