from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
