he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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