got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
