Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
