i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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