I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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